Sunday, May 08, 2011
Well. That's done. What's done is done. Forget regret. No looking back. You can't change what has happened. Don't look back.
But I do, and I think of all the things I could have done better and I wonder why I didn't. I have nothin to show for the time I didn't spend being the best I could be. I guess I've been wasting time, and when I realize this I get jealous of Adrian and everyone else who have been making good use of their time for something, anything that they want. Time is ticking away and I am just sitting here marveling at how fast it slips away from me.
I know this and yet here I am still doing nothing about it. perhaps procrastination really has got me so in her clutches that I can do nothing, absolutely nothing to tear myself away even as she tears me to shreds.
Friday, April 08, 2011
All We Need Is Love And Beer
I need a beer. And I need you with me. I need you to tell me I'm being stupid, and slap me silly to make me see the sense in things again. I need you to be sensible for me because for some reason i am suddenly unable to. Is it because I fell from that infernal stunt a coupleof months ago? Is it the sleepless nights, all the alcohol I've ingested? I don't know what the reason is, but for some reason I feel very very stupid. I know it, but I can't keep myself from acting on it, from doing idiotic things that I know are idiotic. I need you to slap the sense into me. The way you always used to do.
You said I could depend on you for that, didn't you? You said I can always depend on you for that. Where are you now then? Too busy. You're all talk, as usual. But then, everyone is. Such beautiful, empty words. The truth is, no matter what anyone, no matter what everyone says, the only one who would look after me is myself. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, I can handle this on my own. I have to handle this on my own, because people don't really care about what's happening to me. Scratch that. People don't really care what what's happening's doing to me. What they care about, what they want to know is what's happening. Because that's how people are. they say curiosity killed the cat, but I say the cats' curiosities are killing me. Because they don't listen. They judge even before the story is halfway told.
And I really don't want to think about any of this so I was thinking of getting drunk with you the way we always used to whenever one of us had a problem or even if no one did, but oh well.
Anyway, even if you showed up outside my house with a case of beer and we drowned my sorrows in alcohol the way we drowned our inhibitions almost one year ago that night at the pool, it won't matter. It's too late. You're a couple of weeks too late darling. Nothing can undo this. Not even you.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
So. After all that fuss about it, it's my birthday and I am now 20. Whoop-de-doo, goodbye teenage days. I don't feel much different. LOL.
I posted a Bucket List
about two weeks back, and now here are the results:
1. Get drunk enough to dance on a table.
No, I didn't. I didn't even get drunk. In fact, I didn't even get to have anything to drink from then 'til now. I know people I know who know that last year I went out drinking at least once a week won't believe that, but it's the truth. I am a changed girl. :))
2. Go swimming in the campus pool after hours
.Well, no, I didn't get to do this either. I was pretty hesitant to begin with. And then, on the day that we planned to do it...
We went to SM instead. Yes, we went to the mall and got high on coffee and food. LOL.
3. Cut my hair short.
YES I DID! I wish I had a before and after photo just so I could prove it. Well, until I can find photos, you'll just have to take my word for it. HAH!
4. Confess to my crush.
Well? This one's pretty easy. As I've said, I've done it around half a dozen times before. But this time, well. This time I didn't get to do it. I wasn't even goin to confess, i just wanted to talk. But the timing was wrong: it was raining, and he was in a hurry. In so much hurry he couldn't even spare a minute, yes, that busy. I didn't want to push it, so yea. NVM this, it doesn't matter anyway. :p
5. Learn to do a cartwheel.
YES I DID THIS ONE TOO! I'm very excited, can you tell? Of course, i can't do it all the time. In fact, I think those times I actually managed to land on my feet were flukes. Still! It's owsm that I managed to do it after only two days of trying.
No, I didn't get to do this either. DUH, I just said so in numbah 1. I was a good girl all month.
That's the end of the bucket list results. But this is just birthday post number 1. I want to blog about today as well, because something good happened. I just can't do it, not right now. So,
To be continued...
I write about the things i remember in the hopes that i may forget.
The author reserves the right to deviate from the truth.
I may be making up stories.
I may be lying.
I may be hallucinating.
I may be dreaming.
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