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Wednesday, June 17, 2009
>
rites of passage they call it. initiation for some. getting-to-know? i think not. you can call it any number of things, but it's all in one simple word.
Hazing.
no, they say. it isn't hazing. it isn't harmful at all, it wouldn't hurt at all. they're just testing you. testing your strength, your determination, your loyalty. it would be a good experience. it would be good for you. and it's all in good fun. you'll laugh about it afterwards, with them. when you are one of them. and you'll laugh at the neophytes going through the same thing you did. you'll laugh as you do to them what they did to you. it's only fair. besides, it's all in good fun.
well, are you having fun yet? because it's breaking my heart to see you cry every time you walk away from yet another day of this. and it's making me itch to go tell them off.
i don't understand why they do this. i don't understand what they mean to teach. i don't understand why they find it so fun.
and i don't understand why you go on.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
> as a child i was taught that PMS was a sin, that virginity was precious, and that the teen pregnancy count is rapidly rising.
i am 18 now, and i'm no longer shocked when someone tells me she slept
with so and so. i'm 18, and i know that some people can have sex with
someone they just met. i'm 18, and i saw a friend of mine get pregnant
and give birth to an unwanted and unplanned baby.
i'm only 18.
we are only 18.
we are no longer children, yet we are still so young. we have
grown too old to listen to adults, and we are too young to understand
what they mean.
virginity may be overrated, but i'm determined to hold on to mine.
for now.
Friday, May 29, 2009
I'm Never Gonna Dance Again > the whole Philippines is abuzz with the Hayden-Katrina Sex Scandal. speculations, rumors, opinions, facts--at least, so called facts--and the videos themselves are scattered all over the web. i don't want to join the fuss, but i do want to say something.
people are being cruel. maybe it's because the topic is something still a little taboo. is it because it's a sex video? everywhere i go, i hear lewd comments followed by snickers. i hear people asking for links to the stupid videos. i hear people being cruel to Katrina Halili.
perhaps i am not in any position to defend her. i don't know the whole story. i don't know her. i don't know how it is to be a sexy actress. but i am a girl. and i know how it is to fall in love and give your all. in know how it hurts to be betrayed.
is it so hard to believe that she is just a girl--yes, she's a sexy star, but does that strip her of the ability to fall in love? so she slept with Hayden Kho. does that mean she's a slut? no. a lot of people sleep with the ones they love. a lot of people sleep with people they think they love. it doesn't make them sluts. it wasn't her fault it was caught on camera. i wish people would stop saying it was her fault because she slept with him in the first place. maybe they have never been in love. maybe they're just cynical people who get they're worldly fix by jacking off to sex videos and porn. i don't care. don't they think she's had enough? she's been humiliated. she's jobless. she's upset and confused and hurt. it could have happened to your sister, your mother, your cousin, your friend. just because she's a sexy star doesn't mean she isn't a human. just because she's a sexy star doesn't mean she doesn't deserve respect like you and i do.
people are so cruel.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
> i was only in elementary school when my uncle, a mechanical engineer, gave us a metal two-seater swing set for my little brother's birthday. we had such fun times then, daring eah other to swing standing up, or having two to a swing standing up, swinging up as high as we dare. the highest we were after was the lowest leaf of the bayabas tree shading our play area.
when we were older the swing turned into a place to hang out at night, tell stories, secrets. it was a place where no one can hear what we say, except for the person in the swing next to us. as it was, we took the cordless phone there to have intimate conversations with whoever was on the line.
and then we moved. of course, the swing set moved with us--we couldn't possibly leave it behind. it now stands at the side of our house. but we are all older now. my younger brother is going into high school, and all of us are much more interested in sitting in front of the computer than running around outside.
i saw the swing set sitting there gloomily recently. the seats were covered with a sprinkilng of dry leaves and a fair share of mud from all the rains. i brushed most of the dirt off and took a seat. my legs are too long for it now, and i can't swing high like i used to. but the older, more quiet me didn't need to. i was perfectly content to sit there, gently swinging to and fro, and remembering.
Monday, April 20, 2009
>
they say writing is something you have to do everyday. i guess they're right.
i haven't written anything much for the past year. by choice, yes. but now that i do want to write i find that i can't. maybe i have nothing to write about. summer is, after all, the most uneventful part of the year. or maybe i just ran out of inspiration. maybe i just don't see the things i can write about anymore. maybe i have turned into a dull, practical person and i only see what i need at the moment. maybe the writer in me has died. hopefully, she went to heaven. she was, after all, a good writer.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
> **this is a journal-ish post**
i have been staring at the blinking MS Word cursor for the past hour and a half and i still haven't come up with an acceptable beginning for a testimonial for a batchmate from high school.
see, i am part of the yearbook committee. the deadline is 3 days away, and some testimonials have either gone missing from the database, or were never saved. we are desperately trying to meet the deadline. but i am not being any help at all.
because i am having a writer's block.
i haven't written anything lately. not blog entries. not journal entries. not even essays, stories, poetry, papers. i am an engineering student, and for the past year, i have been focusing on physics and calculus and i guess my creative juices, if ever they were there, dried up.
this is so hard.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Is My World Falling Apart... > half a year. two quarters. one semester. when you can live to be a hundred, it isn't much, but for me, a halfyear-twoquarters-one sem can change my life forever. just like how it is right now. just like how it's been for quite some time.
why do i do this? for honor? for pride? as a trade for my parent's love?
for competition? for self fulfillment? for a brighter future?
i don't know. all i know is that i don't really want to do this. yet at the same time i do. i want to be the best in everything, but at the same time i don't really care. i want to work harder, push further, come out farther ahead. but i can't. i can't. i can't.
not anymore.
am i growing up or down? am i losing my ideals or simply getting older, more mature, more real?
is it worth it?
i have to know. because after this, there is no going back. there never is.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
>
i was walking down the hall of the PhySci building minding my own business and feeling quite light headed from lack of sleep and food when i felt a hand grab mine. i willed my eyes to focus, which wasn't easy since i was daydreaming and i haven't been sleeping.
a guy was grinning at me. i grinned back.
"Hi." he said.
i kept grinning.
he told me his name.
i kept on grinning stupidly. at the back of my mind i felt a thought forming. something along the lines of "so?"
i grinned at them all even as a whole line of people started shaking my hand and telling me their names. names that i forgot as soon as they were uttered.
i kept grinning as they waved at me and walked away to find other people to victimize. i half expected a gag show host to pop up somewhere and yell "YARI KA!" at me. when i finally realized that that wasn't going to happen, i let my grin drop.
why can't i bear to be rude? i hated what just happened. and i found it awfully stupid that those people didn't even bother to tell me what party they were and what position they were running for and why, why, WHY in the world would i want to vote for them.
i've never even met them.
unless of course you count that 30 second moment of absurdity.
but i kept grinning at them as if i agreed. as if i even cared.
the elections are coming, and i'm now officially convinced. I'M NOT VOTING THEM. I'M NOT VOTING ANYBODY.
I HATE POLITICS.
*****edited previous sucky post, 02-21-09
Monday, February 16, 2009
> hell day. four exams in a day? that's fine. can cram, especially if they're only GE subjects anyway.
hell week. 4 exams in a week, that's fine too. what are weekends for after all. and after school. and breaks.
but when every week is exam week, every day is hell, every night spent on cheering practices, every break spent trying to catch up on homework, it's not fine anymore. when you only get a maximum of four hours of sleep a day, and you don't have time to eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, and you still fail your classes, it isn't fine at all.
not at all.
this is the first time in my life that i worked this hard and ot nothing in return.
i guess this is what they call college.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
> here was a dull thud and i felt my bed bounce. opening my eyes, i
looked for the cat which i just knew was responsible for waking me up
so early in the morning.
"good morning." a deep voice murmured near my ear.
what the hell, cats don't talk do they? besides, my cat is female!
"wake up."
groggily, i did. he grinned at the look on my face. or maybe he
grinned at how i looked in general. i don't look especially good in the
morning.
still, i couldn't have asked for a better way to start my day.
~ Me ~
Aryan, 17
university sophomore
obsessive compulsive
slightly neurotic
incredibly moody
bites when provoked
vicious when hurt
silent
aloof
daydreamer
pretty complex
want to know me?
want a link?
leave a tag
~ I dig.. ~
dark chocolate(hint, hint)
kittens
anime and manga
surfing the net
rain
frozen food
coffee
figurines
dolphins
necklaces
earrings
stuffed toys
o2jam
perfect world
RPGs
~ I detest.. ~
worms
whiny voices
flying roaches
social climbers
eggplants
blood
broken promises
~ I wish for.. ~
peace and quiet
a small white bear with a sweater
the route to neverland
the yellow brick road
less homework
world peace?
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no whispers